"Your neighbour has an enormous cat in his garden," says boyfriend T to me yesterday morning, while peering out of the window of my study.Getting up from my desk, I wander over to the window and put my hand on his shoulder, and look down at into my neighbour's garden."Yeah I suppose it is quite large," I reply. "Actually, I think he's got a couple of pussies like that :-)"."What did you say?" says boyfriend T sounding quite startled. "Did you say 'pussy'?? That's a woman's vagina isn't it???""Yeah, but it also means cat.""REALLY?""Yes, honestly!" I reply. "I think that 'cat' was probably the original meaning, but then the slang meaning became, well, a woman's furry bits :-).""And is it OK to say that in front of a woman?""Yes of course.""So I can say 'come here pussy' ...""Yes, if...

Well, Tokyo actually… “I took time out of my precious vacation to conduct some intensive research into the fascinating phenomenon of Tokyo Cat Cafes.” A delightful idea, and they’ll certainly be on the schedule if I ever make it to Tokyo. But — between the likelihood of cat hairs in the coffee, animal rights nutters breaking in at night to “rescue” them, and (as the author of the article points out) Western blokes using them as “pussy pick-up” joints — I can’t see such cafes working in the British......

Ok people… here are today’s most used search terms as employed by all sorts of weirdos that end up on the MH. Let’s see what sort of a short story you can concoct from them. sexy nurse rugby tackles yoga body anna simpson farmer sexy yellow stone park erection black out ping pong ball in her pussy alfie patten nude team...

Valentine's Day is coming again, so i'm going to write a love letter. Anyone can use this love letter for their lover. Dear Lover,There are a lot of butterflies on the planet. But none in the winter. You are my winter butterfly. I want to lick the inside of your belly button. I want to lick the lint out of it and then kiss you. Then you have the lint in your mouth. We are naked and you laugh.(If you are a straight man or lesbian) I want to grab your pussy. I want to cup your naked pussy in my hand. Your pussy is like a leaf with dew on it on a July Morning. That means I like when your pussy is wet. I like your pussy more when it is wet than when it is dry.(If you a woman or a gay man) I want to hold your soft penis in my hand. Then I want to caress it until it becomes hard...

An armed security guard at Thunder Valley Casino, north of Sacramento had a narrow escape when his car plunged into a creek. The 28 yr old man, whose name has not been released (to save the poor buggers embarrassment ?) was driving along the road when his hands free cell phone went off. Startled by its ringing, he swerved through a fence at the side of the road and into the creek. Fortunately he was able to escape the sinking car by shooting out the glass in the windscreen Source . . . Hhmm, an armed security guard who’s frightened by a phone ringing? I’d give the Thunder Valley Casino a miss if I was you, folks !!!...

Well, I have my penguin Pandora charm but David won't let me have it as I cycled without witnesses (you can't count the dogs, apparently) on Monday. So now I have to "go again" as they say in certain circles while David watches. I fear that as my Pussy Cat Dolls DVD has yet to arrive (damn snow) he is getting his thrills elsewhere. Excuse me, but I'm just about to push some...

Ozzy the black lab has been voted Coronation Street's favourite pet, beating Schmeichel the Great Dane by a whisker of only four votes.395 votes were cast by Corrie fans in the latest poll here on the blog and the results are in as follows for Corrie's best pet:Ozzy, 166 votes (42%)Schmeichel, 162 votes (41%)Maxine's pussy, 46 votes (11%)Minnie's cat Bobby, 29 votes (7%)Barney the rabbit, 10 votes (2%)Randy the budgie, 8 votes (2%)Want to see where Ozzy the Corrie dog goes on his holidays?Click here to find out.Read Ozzy's official ITV profile...

If you’re a charity fundraising kind of guy, you might be taking part in Movember, the month-long moustache-growing festival with all funds raised going to The Prostate Cancer Charity. Men, it’s a worthy cause and a noble challenge, and no one would call you a pussy if you decided to start now, on the 6th of the month. But what if your dog got upset and wanted to join in with your efforts to sprout a 30-day soup-strainer? We all know that canine jealousy can lead to dog depression and even suicide attempts as they try and hang themselves with their own leads. Worry no more – the Humunga Stache is here. A rubber ball which will give the impression that your pooch has some impressive upper lip insulation of its own whenever it puts the ball in its mouth. And it’s only £9.95 – an...

Dudley in Massachesetts has made it illegal for anyone to own more than 3 cats without a license. The legal change was introduced following a cat-fight between two neighbours – one man complaining that the 15 cats owned by Mary Ellen Richards has ruined his lawn. Ms Richards is now seeking to relocate to a more ‘cat-friendly’ neighbourhood. If you live anywhere near Dudley, Massachusetts – you have been warned !!! Source . . ....

There’s nothing worse than an untrained animal during an emergency. On one hand, you, the human, is trying to evacuate everyone from a potential disaster scene, while on the other, your bloody dog is going apeshit, jumping around and trying to bite everyone. Now you can rest easy when your curtains catch fire or your gas boiler blows up – that’s because your pet can be safely and comfortably removed from the scene of carnage inside a Pet Emergency Evacuation Jacket. It’s a flame-retardant suit that will protect your skittish animal from heat and its carrying handle represents an enormous boon (and we’re always on the lookout for enormous boons.) When it all goes tits-up, grab your mutt or pussy, shove it inside the jacket, velcro it up and get the hell out of the there. Then,...

Hi folks, it's me again. In this post I’d like to share my thoughts on shaved pussy. First off, it’s important to realize that shaved pussy isn't for everyone - and I don't suggest it should be. I've talked to women about this, and the majority don’t share my enthusiasm for it. In fact, there are probably more good reasons against shaving than there are in favor of it. The most common...

Many of our readers will be familiar with '''Rammstein''', we've featured them often enough and they're well known for over the top, outlandish or just funny videos. Their new one goes, as usual, just that little bit further - it's called Pussy and has it's tongue firmly in it's cheek but still goes that bit too far. It was directed by Jonas Akerlund who also did the Mann Gegen Mann video which should give you a clue how NSFW it is. Seriously, Don't ever try to watch a Rammstein video at...

Another week at Bonkers Hall draws to a close.SundayEarlier this summer I was proud to join the candlelight vigil for the delightful Mollie Sugden: her touching concern for her pussy was a credit to her and did much to engender the renewed concern for the environment that one finds in so many young people these days.But then “Are You Being Served” – How I used to roar! – was always more than just a comedy: historians agree that it did much to keep the flame of Liberalism burning in the hostile atmosphere of the 1970s.In particular, I read John Inman’s repeated cry of “I’m free!” as a magnificent show of defiance in the face of tyrants everywhere.Lord Bonkers was Liberal MP for Rutland South-West, 1906-10.Previously on Lord BonkersMonday: Swine flu partiesTuesday: Tinchy...

It’s not easy to be a sexy blogger.Just ask Adeline Chin.She started her blog a few years ago but only managed to update it for a few months.After that nothing. The blog left in limbo.Oh well. At least we have some happy memories…Adeline Chin is no pussy in her tiger stripped bikini. Give me two reasons why you stopped blogging Adeline? On second thoughts don’t answer that question!Getting...

Every now and then google changes its picture to something vaguely topical. It may be a tribute to a passing comet, or the like. This quirky element clearly has lots of fans otherwise they wouldn't do it. That, or the people who work at google get bored and this change is the highlight of their week..Anyway today google decided to show two black shoes on tiptoes, white socks (I mean, white socks?) raising from the shoes. Hovering the mouse over this reveals that apparently it's Michael Jackson's birthday (or at least it would be if he wasn't dead). Now, admittedly this tribute is not as special as the one-gloved tribute exhibited by the world of golf during the Open chamionship but it's a gesture.So, what exactly dos this image represent?Is this the ascension of the Jackson as he...

A couple of weeks ago we heard that the Austrian town of Fucking was installing CCTV cameras pointing at their signs in a bid to stop copulating couples filming themselves.Then the other day we found out it took some people four hours to get from Intercourse to Climax, that got us wondering how many other towns and villages had unfortunate names? Well here is our top 10 list of places with rude names, from Wan King to Pussy Imagine what it is like giving someone your address if you live in one of these places. 1 - Wan KingView Larger Map 2 - Wank View Larger Map 3 - Knob Lick View Larger Map 4 - Intercourse View Larger Map 5 - Fucking View Larger Map 6 - Climax View Larger Map 7 - Dicking View Larger Map 8 - Dildo View Larger Map 9 - Shit View Larger Map 10 - Pussy...

Guaranteed no XXX free harccore porn, nude Britney Spears or naked Lindsey (Lindsay?) Lohan pics and Definitely no Jordan/Peter Andre sex tapes or any other worthless celebretries knocking boots. All you get here is some good clean pussy...

Tuesday:Never mind that he BETRAYED his COUNTRY to the SOVIET UNION, it seem that masterspy Mr Guy Burgess may have FIDDLED on his expenses while working for the BBC.I know what you're thinking: how COULD the BBC have employed such a BLACKGUARD! Why, Mr Harold Nicholson and Ms Violet Bonham-Carter on the Board of Governors were even saying: "why don't you promote this brilliant man?" The The Today Programme demanded answers.HELLO! He. Was. A. SPY!It's not ALL chemin-de-fer with Le Chiffre and hijinks with Pussy Galore, you know. Sometimes you just HAVE to infiltrate the BBC.Possibly in a submarine disguised as a crocodile.Just don't forget to get Q to sign for the...

A man in Florida has presented an unusual defence to the charge of downloading child pornography - It was the cat wot dun it !!! Police charged Keith Griffin of Jensen Beach, Florida with “10 counts of possession of child pornography after finding more than 1,000 images on his personal computer.” Mr Griffin asserted his innocence, claiming he was down loading music files, left the room for a while then came back to find the cat had walked over keyboard downloading the child porn pics. Source . . . Hhmm, a tall tail if ever I heard one. What about you? Ever tried to pin the blame on the cat or dog for something you’ve done ?...

I need to have another romantic relationship before I dieIt has been four years since my last oneIt is time to try againIf you would like to have a long distance relationship with meemail me at noah.cicero@gmail.comI believe we could write wonderful emails to each otherabout stuff likeToday I was at work I said to the bread guy I said, "Can you get these potatoes out of the sink." He Replied, "I'm doing the floor." I said, "Can you get these potatoes out of the sink." He replied, "I'm doing the floor, what time do you leave." I said, "When you get these fucking potatoes out of the sink." The prep cook Rich laughed.I will probably not write philosophical things in emails.I will write lines like, "I want to put my face on your naked tits and cry."I'm learning spanish so in a year I may...

Pugwash, pop charts and pussy...

[The Friday Special - A Guest Post By Grand Old Uncle Stagnant] Now as I was young and tightly-trousered and all about the chip shops, I thought I saw a pussy, but let us not get into that, especially seeing as I didn’t. Now it is not often one gets to see one of these in broad daylight, so I’ll put it away until later. Now, take my hand and I’ll take you to places only ever dreamed of by those of a more utilitarian cast of underwear and together we will experience the delights of all-nude accountancy and – if you feel daring enough, and we can get a pad of unused invoices – erotic business studies. I will take you deep into the secret heart of the stationery cupboard, down to the very depths of the filing system of your soul. Together we will strip naked and spread ourselves...

Oh dear, Oh dearie, dearie, dear. The Recession has hit the German brothel market. The Berlin Pussy Club is now offering a flat rate, sleep-with-as-many-as-you-like deal for €70 euros, including unlimited food and drink. The owners have also offered rebates for pensioners, the unemployed and those on welfare. Some have offered discounts to taxi drivers and rubbish collectors...

Now – you all know how I enjoy a splash or 3 of Vodka and I also love music. Well my boozey friends – those makers of lovely potato-based alcohol, Smirnoff, are targeting music fans this Christmas with an insulating bottle jacket that has the added benefit of being fitted with a speaker and 3.5mm input for an iPod/iPhone or anyother kinda MP3 player tuneage. A rep from Smirnoff said that the final version is likely to have Sony parts, but the model that T3 grooved on down to apparently sounded pretty good with its no-brand speaker (how much they had to drink before hand has not been revealed). The jacket is designed to fit a 700ml bottle, the “Smirnoff bottle jacket will keep bottles cool, plus the users happy with music playback via the 3.5mm jack”. The...

Nick Palmer, Labour MP for Broxtowe, and long time supporter of animal rights, yesterday took time out from worrying about the economic chaos facing the UK to fret about my poor little pussy. Being elderly myself, this is an issue that affects me, but I assure you that my pussy is the least of my problems...

Including remixes and standards of the following tracks: Tabloid Junkie / Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’ (Brothers in Rhythm) / Black and White (Clivillés & Cole) / Remember The Time (Silky Soul 7″) / You Are Not Alone (Classic Club Mix) / In The Closet / Smooth Criminal / Privacy / Gone Too Soon. Right-click (Windows) or Ctrl+click (Mac) here to download the zipped file to your computer. Don’t forget you need to unzip it to import into your favourite music player. There’s more. I’ve just yesterday finished working on a second MJ mix, this one featuring radically reworked underground and bootleg versions of songs with a much, much harder rock feel to many of them, no doubt surprising some of you. It’s my favourite of the two mixes,...

I know that’s not strictly accurate, but they really don’t seem to understand the British sense of humour. After the various conversations I have had with Americans about Monty Python1 and how most Americans think it’s just weird, there are reports today that Mrs Slocombe’s Pussy has been banned. Specifically, following the death of Mollie Sugden, people were leaving messages on Twitter and using the hashtag #MrsSlocombesPussy. Now, if you’re English and older than about 10 you will perfectly understand the reference and will undoubtedly tickle you just thinking about it. If you’re American though I doubt, unless you’ve seen the TV Show “Are You Being Served” you will understand what the hell it means. So, Americans, you need to...

Above: When searching for the hashtag #MrsSlocombesPussy, Twitter refuses to give any results.Ten to one comedienne Mollie Sugden is having a great laugh from Heaven.   I have just discovered that every other search works on Twitter, just not one for a new hashtag, #MrsSlocombesPussy. The reason, says one Tweeter, is that this hashtag has been blocked.   If this is true, then shame on Twitter: it is either down to ignorance (they do not know the cultural impact of Are You Being Served?), xenophobia (American admins balking at British culture), disrespect (to the memory of Mollie Sugden) or overreacting political correctness (everyone else outside Twitter HQ knows that this refers to Tiddles, Mrs Slocombe’s pet cat). Yes, we also know the meanings of pussy, but at...

…I never did see it. Mollie Sugden and I share a a birth place, town wise, she used to live just round from where my aunt lives and I used to pass the place when going to the park. But I never did see her pussy… Click here to view the embedded video. …though there was a strange smell round the park. Looks like Twitter and a bunch of Yanks took objection to #MrsSlocombesPussy trending on Twitter, funny as it was a reasonable hit in the States and a friend from over there used to like it and he was still in his teens. © Toxic Web...

Well what did you...