I knew a bit about gypsies in Britain- in the sense that they are so different than the gypsies in Greece. A few years ago we were near Appleby where there is a big horse fair every year, and I was impressed by the beautiful carriages and horses clogging the roads. But here in Richmond Hill things looked a bit different. On our way to school one morning, we were all surprised to find a dozen caravans and cars parked on the green behind the school, blocking all the paths, dogs barking, children playing, ladies hanging their washing and horses grazing. It was all very strange.We were given by the school a number to call to ask the council about them. I was told that there was nothing the council could do, because they could not be removed without a court order and that would take a couple...

The nativity story is being told in the style of horse-racing and football commentaries in the latest in a series of advertising campaigns by a church group. Following posters depicting Jesus Christ as Che Guevara, Santa Claus and the foam on a pint glass, the Church Advertising Network is now "re-branding" the Christmas story as a sporting event. In one of the joke-filled recordings, which will be broadcast on commercial radio stations across Britain during December, a commentator tells the tale of Jesus's birth as if it were a horse race called the Christmas Day Stakes, complete with the sound of cheering crowds and thundering hooves in the background. The voiceover runs through the main characters in the nativity story as if they were horses, starting with "Angel Gabriel with Mary" and...

A Tyneside pub has called time on one of its regular visitors after the premises were refurbished. Peggy, a 12-year-old mare, used to enjoy a pint of beer and a packet of crisps alongside her owner at the Alexandra Hotel in Jarrow. However, she is no longer allowed to prop up the bar following a refit which included new carpets. The horse still accompanies her owner, Peter Dolan, on his trip to the pub but has to stay tethered outside. With news...

A horse walks into a bar, the landlady says "Get out you're barred" now the horse has a reason for the long face.A cart-horse has been banned from going to the pub where she has become a regular, because the landlady has bought new carpets.For the past couple of years cart horse Peggy has been going into the South Tyneside watering hole with owner Peter Dolan, she even developed a taste for the odd pint of John Smiths.It all started when Peggy - who was normally left outside - followed Peter inside and no-one took any notice of her or insisted she leave.Then again many of the drinkers probably thought they had just had a few too many. But now the O'Malleys has undergone a makeover and been renamed Alexandra Hotel Peggy has been told she is no longer welcome.The new landlady said...

A horse is banned from paying its regular visit to a Tyneside pub after the premises are...

A horse owner thinks she has the answer to the age-old question, ‘Why the long face?’ Donna Cumia has been giving her horse, Murphy, light treatment therapy in order to combat his Seasonal Affective Disorder.The condition, known as SAD, is a type of winter depression, and is thought to affect around half a million people between the months of September and April each year.Believed to be caused by a lack of sunlight and the shortening of daylight hours, its symptoms include fatigue, lethargy, difficulty in concentrating, sleep problems and overeating. But according to experts, it isn’t just humans who suffer; the illness also affects animals too.Donna said: “It is not only humans who suffer from SAD but animals also, and we are currently testing light therapy on ‘SAD’ horses in...

Here's a second horse from the same stable as this one. Ghada Karmi is criticizing 'the inequity and dishonesty of the two-state solution' and urging the 'fairer and more durable' one-state solution for Israel and Palestine. Her argument contains two elements: (a) the two-state solution has failed; and (b) the rights of all within the new fairer state will be guaranteed. (a) The two-state solution has failed, because so far everything has failed. It doesn't make the one-state solution better that Karmi believes it to be 'inevitable'. Its putative inevitability is a thing of the undemanding future. (b) As I said about the other horse (first link above), unless the one-state solution is accepted by both peoples for whom it is being proffered as a solution, it doesn't respect their rights....

you wanna pint sir?neigh So it was Saturday evening and I was pouring wine for two women as they waited for another couple to join them. They were in a jovial mood and had clearly already enjoyed a snifter or two of the barman's apron."Honestly Janice, he's like a horse.""For real?""I swear to God. LIKE. A. HORSE.""And how long.....", she paused to taste the wine. I had no idea where this conversation was going. But I was just as intrigued as Janice.".....has she been going out with him?" Phew, I can live without other peoples pee pee measurements."About 4 weeks now. They don't leave the house. They are in all the time. She's just stopped going out.""Well if he's like a horse why would you go out?" They both broke into a very dirty laugh.I was taking my time with the pouring of the wine....

It used to be quite straightforward. I was in an assessment team so someone would make a referral to our services - usually the person themselves, or a family member or a GP or district nurse - someone who had reason to understand that care was needed for some reason. Sometimes the referrals came from ambulance crew or neighbours - occasionally they were anonymous (usually if it was a neighbour who was concerned  but didn’t want to interfere or a family member who felt guilty). So I’d trundle off and assess. Mostly it was something that was accepted and welcomed. I’d run through a series of questions trying desperately to make it sound more like a chat than an interrogation - and usually forget one or two things that I’d have to phone up and ask about later. That...

It had a Disney name I don't remember. Bambi, I think. It was the horse they put the little kids on, the ones just starting out. It was the horse they put me on after I'd tumbled off Tanya the week before.I remember Tanya's name. Tanya. Enormous beast, how many hands high, hands high to Heaven. Flaring nostrils. Contemptuous. Muscular. Strong. Fast. I was always a little bit afraid when I mounted Tanya. Yet I chose to ride her every week.But the fall was bad and shook me up.They put me on Bambi to regain my confidence. I took the reigns. I leant forward in the saddle. I firmly squeezed his sides with my calve muscles. But he didn't move. He just stood there and broke wind.A crack of the whip. He set off at a sluggish pace. Then he stopped and farted. He took a few steps forward. He...

If you've arrived at this page via Google, you are most probably searching for an image that does not exist. If so, then you are wasting time chasing a vicious rumour that has been peddled and published endlessly by a drink-driving (hopefully former) bankrupt by the name of Paul Staines (aka 'Guido Fawkes'). Sorry to disappoint. Here, instead, is a picture of a fat nappy-wearing bastard who is so drunk that he has fallen off his rocking horse and sh*t himself: In other news, the question that every insider in Westminster is asking is; "Does Margaret Thatcher have syphilis? " (I kid, I kid... the question that every insider in Westminster is really asking is; "Is it true that Paul's drinking problem has become worse since he's been locked up at home and unable to drive...

Just when the Joyce McKinney story seemed to have plumbed the depths of absurdity (see my earlier post ) something new turns up. It now seems that McKinney is wanted wanted on burglary charges involving a three-legged horse in the United States. According to the Sunday Times McKinney allegedly told a 15-year-old boy to break into a house in Tennessee so that she could get money to buy a false leg for her beloved horse. A police report says that she was arrested in November 2004 in Tennessee in a van with the 15-year-old boy. Ms McKinney, then living in neighbouring North Carolina, needed money to help her three-legged horse, said David Crockett, her lawyer in the case. “She loved it dearly,” said Mr Crockett. “She was a rather bizarre character, and seems to have a strange...

JOYCE Bernann McKinney paid £25,000 to have her dead pet recreated. She is… accused of instructing a 15-year-old boy to break into a house because she needed funds to help another beloved animal, her three-legged horse…. The Tennessee charges stem from McKinney’s arrest in November 2004 after being found in a van with the teenager. According to prosecutors in Carter County, an area in north eastern Tennessee, she instructed the boy to burgle a house and was charged with criminal conspiracy to commit aggravated burglary and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Dog cloner Joyce McKinney sought over burglary to fund horse’s wooden...

Hala Bek has suffered another injury on the back of his comeback run at Nottingham last month. Trainer Saeed Bin Suroor is going to give the horse plenty of time to recover before making any firm plans over his next target. “Hala Bek has had a setback and I think it happened in the race,” said bin Suroor. “The next day we found him to be a little stiff. “We know he is a good horse so we don’t want to rush him, we need to give him time so that he is happy and sound. “We are just going to give him time so we have no plans for him at the...

English and Irish 2000 Guineas 3rd Stubbs Art could possibly re-appear in the Topkai Trophy, held in Turkey. Racing Manager Jimmy Lindley has been considering options for the three year old after a lacklustre effort in the St James Palace Stakes at Ascot. The horse was entered to run last weekend but was declared a non runner and connections are now looking to an autumn campaign. Lindley said; “At the moment David (Elsworth) thinks he is going to be more of an autumn horse and he has an entry in the Topkapi Trophy in Turkey in September,” he added. “That is only an option at this stage and David thinks the Champion Stakes at Newmarket will be his main...

Devoted equestrians can now trot and canter in the comfort of their own home thanks to the world's most advanced rocking horse. The £40,000 virtual reality riding machine combines a mechanical horse with a host of electronic sensors and a screen, to recreate the joys of an outdoor ride without the need for mucking out. The Ridemaster Pro, which is made by Racewood Simulators, is proving a hit with those who live in cities or who want to ride but don't want to brave the elements. Designer and company managing director Bill Greenwood said: "Private individuals buy them who don't have space for a horse in central London. "You don't need the space or a dressage arena because it's not physically going anywhere - you can put it in a small room or in a garden shed."The 'horse' is described as...

PETA’s longtime buddy Pamela Anderson has just sent roses and a note to New York City Council Member Tony Avella, who is the sponsor of the bill to ban carriage horses there. The note wishes him luck in the bill to ban this cruel trade. Aww, dontcha just love Pam?! Conditions are very cruel for these working animals. Horses are exposed to drastic weather changes and a lack of shade during summer months, and they often do not receive veterinary checkups on a routine basis. Think of it like this: If you dislike walking on the hot sand during the summer, you know that working horses don’t enjoy stepping on the city tarmac which can rise up to 30 degrees warmer than the air temperature around them. Add to that breathing in exhaust fumes as you pull a cart, and you can see why...

IT’S the Rapa das bestas, in Galicia, Spain. Grab a horse - literally: People gather all the untamed horses in a corral, where men and women of all ages wrestle them to the ground with their bare hands to cut their manes and tales out and brand them. This fiesta goes on for about three days starting the first Saturday of July. Link -via J-Walk Blog and...

  It is surprisingly satisfying and nice to get trapped in the mountains for a few days. No emails, no phone calls. There is no mobile signal deep in the valley, one has to walk up to the car park to get a signal. I just couldn't bother, and actually rather enjoyed being cut off so completely.   I have had such a nice time. Good horses, magnificent scenary, catering in the mountains, lunching in cute little village pubs. Nice country folks. The farm organising this is a family business so everything and everyone is so warm and lovely. And I met a very lovely and sweet German couple and a English woman from Shropshire, who is a German teacher in a Shropshire public school. In the big group of riders it seems that the four of us got along particularly well. The evening after the first...

A swing of 22.54% from Labour to SNP in Glasgow East. Not good news for Mr Brown, made the more humiliating by an expectation that his party might just win the by-election. The voters of Glasgow East may well have done Labour and Gordon Brown a favour. When a horse is irrevocably injured, someone has to humanely put it out of its misery....

All the car fans out there will know that the British Motorshow 2008 opened its doors this week at the eXcel London. The event is expected to wheel spin into the history books as the UK’s most expensive car collection valued at over £37.4 million. I myself will be making my way down on Sunday and may have a few spare tickets so contact me if you’re desperately in need of some (first come first served of course). Some of the big names exhibiting include the likes of Land Rover, who have a big presence there this year. Just to fill you in on some of the treats that will be on offer by Land Rover and of course make you super jealous is, outside the main hall you’ll be able to experience the very best of their off road abilities on the Terrapod assault course and inside...

Schoolboy Steve Sayer thought his entrepreneurial efforts would be rewarded when he bought a sign to advertise his father’s horse manure to gardeners.The council had other ideas. Ruling that it was illegally placed and distracting to motorists, they said the sign must go. But the 14-year-old, who had spent £100 on the sign which read ‘Steve’s horse manure with wiggly worms’, refused to give in. He took it off the verge outside his father’s livery yard — and collected 1,200 signatures in Cheddar, Somerset, to support his enterprise. Yesterday, Steve, who has been sweeping up and selling the manure since he was 11, was rewarded with victory after a ten-month battle when Sedgemoor District Council overturned its decision. His father Julian, 43, described the ruling as a 'victory...

IF that's not the sort of headline to get the Googlebucks rolling in, I'm going back on the bins.Anyway, environmental good guys Land Rover have launched a fab new 'viral' video for their latest good-in-traffic horse-box dragger. It's got all sorts of groovy new gadgets, like SatNav that knows its way to the glue factory.Not content with taking the green lead, they're also doing their bit for social cohesion and a classless Britain in this Olympic year by roping in (quite literally?) Her Royal Horseyness Zara Phillips and launching a 'We Support Eventing' webshite.I would link to it, but at the time of writing the nature of the viral campaign seems to be sending it to the fucking guardian, rather than actually whacking it on YouTube so we can all do their shitting work for them. The plot:...

Name something you associate with the Trojans. Go on. Word association: what’s the first word that comes to mind when you hear the word “Trojan”? I’m guessing you said “horse”. The classic Trojan Horse maneuver is as follows: a large, woody object believed to be safe is allowed to penetrate, but then it bursts open and lots of smaller entities come out and cause havoc. Agreed? So who the hell thought “Trojan” would be a good name for a brand of condom?...

Yesterday's EDP reported that Nick Clegg got himself tied in knots when trying to justify the LibDem claim of a "two horse race" in Norwich South. The EDP put it to Mr Clegg that it was, in fact, a "four horse race" and his arguement against this seemed pretty lame. Apparently people know that there is no point voting Green or Tory, says Mr Clegg.Well try telling that to the residents of Bowthorpe, Thorpe Hamlet, Mancroft, Eaton, Nelson, Wensum, Town Close, University - all of which elected either a Tory or a Green or had one or other in a close second place.If the LibDems go down this line, they'll make themselves look "very stupid indeed". Not my words - that of a wise old bird from the party I spoke to yesterday.But don't expect the LibDems to be honest with anybody anytime...

Scott Beale / Laughing Squid Anyone for some Horse......

This article by Jeremy Langmead (the editor of Esquire magazine) in this week's Observer is worth a read. It is rather frivolous and anecdotal, but enjoyable none the less. He uses the phrase "Trojan horse" to describe David Cameron, which seems rather apposite....

Here's Kate.  she's the friend i mentioned at the Interesting conference who appeared on the front of Horse magazine which lead to me having the word 'horse' stuck in my brain which when repeated for long enough starts to lose its meaning at turn back in to sounds.  most words do that if you say them long enough and really think about them.  it's a bit like walking.  if you really think about what you are doing it all gets a bit tricky.so there you go.  i wasn't making it up ! link | Comments (0) | friends...

The walk on Saturday took us past the French Street Stables, where we saw this magnificent sight. The tail of the horse seems to be kept unusually long. I just missed a shot of the woman holding the tail and squirting water up the horses behind. The horse seemed remarkably relaxed about this (compared to say how you or I would feel about having this done to us). It was a warm sunny day. This morning the weather forecast predicts more of the same but looking out the window I see it’s overcast with rain. This poses a dilemma: after work I am going into central London for drinks with friends. Do I dress according to what the forecast predicts or what I see......

It's been a very busy week by my standards, with not one but two adventures. Yesterday, my Dad and I went to Snetterton, famous for its racetrack, but also home to World Horse Welfare, which is a place that looks after retired police horses as well as variously injured and abused horses. Dad, who had never sat on a horse until a few years ago, is now studying for an NVQ in Horse Management, so this was a bit of a field trip. I learnt the difference between a bay and a cob, which is a pony, where are the withers and all manner of horsey facts.I attempted to steer the conversation round to the sociological nuances of man's relationship with the horse, horses and socioeconomic class and the symbolism of the horse in psychoanalysis (e.g. the case of Little Hans, whose phobia of horses was...