The choice of title here is a phrase I am often heard to utter right before departing from issues of carefully crafted analysis and descending into the bear pit of pub gossip. In doing so I’m joining Tom and a few others, to discuss the subject of chavs. What are they? Who are they? Working class? Better or worse than punks and mods and skinheads? Apply within dear reader and all of this will be answered… As a kid growing up in Northern Ireland, I wore tracksuits. I got my first named brand pair when I was about eleven - two pairs of the latest Adidas. I had Reeboks, Lecoqsportif and Kappa too. This was all the rage at the local youth club, held in the local Catholic secondary school. Said school was no picnic, but it was emblematic of the very real social divide that occured...

A quiet night out in the local JD Wetherspoons.More than 20 arrests were made after a mass brawl broke out in a Cheltenham pub.Police were called to the fight at the Moon under Water JD Wetherspoon pub in Bath Road where officers received at least one report of a man kicked in the head.A witness to the fight, which broke out at 5pm on Saturday, said people were “running for their lives”.Officers confirmed chairs and furniture were thrown around and a significant amount of damage was done to the pub.People who were involved in the fighting fled along Bath Road and the High Street when the police arrived, but more than 20 were arrested on suspicion of public order offences.Some people were still in custody last night, helping police with their inquiries.Police said it appeared that many...

We the undersigned petition the Prime Minister to make military IDs a nationally recognised form of ID - make military IDs a nationally recognised form of ID. That way all establishments would have to accept them along with passports or driving licences. At the same time they can make it a crime to discriminate against military personel regardless of whether they are in uniform or not.http://petitions.number10.gov.uk/forces-id/This was brought about by the poor treatment of two soldiers who popped into a Wetherspoon chav palace for a well deserved pint, after putting their lives on the line fighting for Queen & country.Reported in  The Express also The Mirror and my 2p worth...

Do you bit for Queen and country and Tim Martin's dire chav-palace chain of corporate fizzy larger suppliers to chavs, refuses to serve you. This is what happened to two soldiers who popped into a Wetherspoon chav palace for a well deserved pint...From the Express also The MirrorTWO Royal Marines were stopped from having a homecoming pint at their local after returning from the frontline in Afghanistan – when staff refused to recognise their military ID cards.Dan Buchanan, 21, and Kelvin Billings, 22, were turned away at the Isambard Kingdom Brunel pub in Portsmouth when doormen said they didn’t look old enough.They showed the cards – which included their pictures and dates of birth – but managers at the JD Wetherspoon pub insisted they were not an acceptable form of...

"Directors of a travel company that sent customers an emailpromising chav-free holidays have defended the move.The email, sent out by Activities Abroad, included a list of namestravellers were likely to encounter on one of their holidays and another listthey would be less likely to meet.Among the unlikely names were Britney, Kylie-Lianne, Dazza andShannon. The likely names included John, Sarah, James and Alice."Taking the piss out of names may have been a seriously bad marketing ploy, but far more outrageous is this ridiculous 'Hug-a-Hoodie' attitude (even assuming that he doesn't try to knife you first). "If I ever had any doubts (which I haven't) about banning the C-- word inour house, I need look no further. Don't ever let anybody tell you that class isnot a live issue in Britain."Of...

A vibrant culture, sumptuous cuisine and an upmarket reputation - these are some of the qualities that entice the more refined holidaymaker. One firm, however, claims it has the ultimate attraction - a 'chav-free' vacation. Activities Abroad contacted 24,000 customers with a list of names they were not likely to encounter on one of its getaways, including Britney, Dazza, Chardonnay and Candice. But the email caused a series of complaints - with customers accusing the firm's boss of 'smug class warfare' and threatening a boycott. The company's founder, Alistair McLean, said he wrote the email after reading about how children with 'middle- class names' are more likely to pass their GCSEs. In the email newsletter, headed Chav Free Activity Holidays, he wrote: 'This got us to thinking....

The Daily Mail revealed that two teachers who described a mother, concerned about the lack of progress in her daughter’s reading skills , as a Chav were allowed to retain their jobs. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1103421/Teachers-jobs-branding-year-old-pupils-mother-chav-Facebook.html With another year of the early years enriched curriculum well underway in Northern Ireland  there may well be thousands of parents wondering what their child’s primary school teacher is saying about them behind their back.    Tagged: Chav, primary school teaching, Reading skills, teachers   ...

While the police are too busy enforcing the police state of ‘The Scutter’*, Jacqui Smith, whose cookery lessons hardly gave her experience to run the Home Office, people are dying or being maimed by frequent knife assaults. 5 knife assaults daily is hardly what the Government means by ‘Five a Day’. The knives are out - but they should be out for this disastrous Labour Government with its pathetic record on law and order: knife crime in particular. * Black Country dialect for a “chav”.       ...

And before anyone gets the hump, I have been a pretty regular shopper at Woolworths as long as I can remember.http://turbulentcleric Turbulent...

When you drop the price of something, people tend to consume more of it. This is called the price elasticity of demand, and it really shouldn't surprise news organisations every boxing day. I could not be less interested in the price paid by a chav for the lovely Karen Millen coat she picked up for a song in Manchester, and I wish they'd stop reporting it as 'news'.Has anything interesting happened in the last couple of days?Bah......

A school where pupils performed a 'Chav' nativity play has been slammed by angry parents.The play tells how the three wise men - from the East End - came bearing gifts of Gold, Adidas and Burberry. Another scene performed by pupils at Oakwood School in Kent, shows Mary and Joseph breaking into a garage because there was no room at the inn.But unamused parents say the play is "disgraceful" and that the school should not be condoning it.The local council claim that the script was the product of a drama class and the 'official' school nativity will be a traditional. In the Chav nativity play, Mary and Joseph also discussed what benefits they would be able to claim because of Jesus....

Ah Beng - A sub-culture in Chinese communities of Singapore and Malaysia similar to the British Chav. They have their signature dress: gaudy floral shirts, tight jeans and sneakers, (sounds a bit similar to the old speed garage / two-step crew who used to love Moshino jeans and Versace shirts) and often carry around plastic combs. Like chavs they are associated with criminality and random violence....

Saturday night was a full moon which brought all the usual strange characters out in abundance one job consisted of two young couples off out for a nights moon bathing in the town. On the way into town they stopped at a supermarket cash machine to top up with money for the no doubt expensive night ahead. As the two lads waited in the queue for the busy cash dispenser the two lasses were having a strange conversation concerning one of the lads. The slightly bizarre conversation went like this: Lass1 "so do you really think that he is one of them then?” Lass2 "Well when we went down to Manchester shopping he kept looking in the window of that kind of shop, but I wouldn't let him go in.” Lass1 "Oh that's awful but what else makes you suspicious" Lass2 “Well I found some...

Sarah Palin is a...

Here I am sat at home trying to do some work. The balcony door is open and there is a cool breeze in the flat. There is also an almighty racket outside from the seagulls. Quite staggering amount frankly. So, thinking that one of the neighbours is probably throwing chunks of bread from their balcony to attract the local birds (its quite a fun thing to do), I wandered out to watch the commotion. All I saw were two seagulls on the riverside. That’s it - just two birds making enough noise for a couple of dozen of their brethren. I hope they get a sore throat from all that screeching!...

That Pope of the Politically Correct - Iain Dale - has taken a Fabian-originated Comment is Free article and done a "find and replace" substituting "toff" for "chav" throughout. Here is is. Would probably be funnier still if this wasn't one of his category errors.There's more to this I think than the CiF piece reveals. They're worried that the word has become some kind of unthinking euphemism for "scum". But "chav" or "Chavi" is I believe an affectionate word originating in Romany and then via Kent and the coarse summer sport of Hop-picking into more general use in the East End meaning simply "child". As in Jackiey Budden mother of Jade Goody saying of her briefly troubled daughter: "She'll al-ays be mee chavi". It is almost as if the word "pikey" had come into general use among the upper...

I can see the Fabian Society's point, but I agree with Iain in that it's a word.Put basically, "Chav" is used as a word to describe predominantly working-class people who are loud, or indeed middle-class people who don't incorporate properly into old-style middle class culture (i.e. the perception that Chavs think buying the Daily Mail is posh, going on holiday to Ibiza, not Venice, calling their children names like Destiny, not Ophelia, and so on..). But it's not just class, as anyone saw Midsommer Murders like I did on Sunday night and saw the "Townies" and "locals" slug it out.Those prejudices and differences will always be there and if "Chav" will soon be deemed too offensive, then those who like to see a neat social order (where if you enter into a different social culture you will...

What an utterly ridiculous debate. And no, I am not talking about the debate on parliamentary expenses in the House of Commons, I am talking about the Fabian Society publicity stunt policy document which reckons the word 'chav' should be banned as it is kind of, well, racist. Utter bollocks. And as a linguist, can I just say that it is impossible to ban words. Language evolves and it evolves for a reason. The word 'chav' was invented to portray a social phenomenon. It could have been a different word, but it wasn't. Get over it. Anyway, by way of a bit of fun, read on...YOU KNOW YOU ARE A POLITICAL CHAV WHEN...10. You prefer Heat Magazine to The Economist9. You don't merely hug a hoodie, you wear one8. You sprinkle your party conference speech with a liberal use of the word 'innit'7. You...

The sun is shining. The sky is blue. Looks to me like it’s time to go CHAV Hunting. I’m not big into computer games but this will keep the Chav-haters among you out there occupied for the a few minutes. Check it out!   Hosted by Daily Free Games          ...

Ascot chucks out the chavsSri Carmichael, Royal Reporter13.06.08Women face being banned from the Royal Enclosure at Ascot this year if their skirts are more than two inches above the knee or their tops have straps less than an inch wide.Course chiefs have spelled out how to dress properly at one of the highlights of the Season and they have even warned about under-wear. Women, they advise, must wear "knickers", adding: "But not on show, please ladies!" Streaky fake tans are "a total fashion faux pas and there's no excuse".A dress code for racegoers, dubbed "anti-chav" by insiders, has been posted to each attendee with their ticket and is available on the Ascot website. No exceptions will be made this year and race course stewards will enforce the ban strictly.The article is...

The celebrity entries in Wikipedia continue to provide News Hour with litres of amusement. Take this presumably sarcastic quote from the ‘Shopping habits’ section of Rooney-to-be Coleen McLoughlin’s entry, in which we have noted inaccuracies before:"Most fashion insiders are still critical of her sense of style to date and still see her as a "Chav" and not an icon of style, despite the praise by the known fashion connoisseur English tabloids in which she regularly appears. She claims that her style is reminiscent of other fashion queens of the similar genre, including Lily Savage and Lady Sovereign, both of whom have demonstrated that their careers have genuine staying power."Unless people seriouslyconsider Lily Savage (Paul O’Grady’s since discontinued drag queen persona) or...

I thought I was reading a chav joke when I come across this piece from the Blackpool Gazette. It seems that "Karen Mintos" dog, a cross eyed rotweiller called "Abso" has been stolen. Her kids Angel Louise, Morgan Lee and Gypsi Rose and another on the way are missing him. Ms Minto 22 said"I can't believe anybody could be so heartless, Asbo must have been terrified."The thieves did not take the family's other pet, a nine-year old Alsatian cross. Asbo was given to the family by a friend but Ms Minto believes the pups are quite expensive to buy. What a chavtastic story, you couldn't make it up could...

A report in the local paper tells us that a young man of 19 appeared in Furness magistrate’s court and pleaded guilty to carrying an offensive weapon. It also tells us TWICE that he hails from Egerton Court (pictured) which by any stretch of the imagination can't be mistaken for luxury penthouses. The report also gives us the information that he appeared in court wearing a tracksuit and trainers. The reporter might as well have said that the offender was a chav from a slum. If the guy was from one of our more leafy suburbs, would we have been told that he appeared wearing a suit, tie and shiny shoes, I think not...

Drunk people are funny. There is no escaping this fact. I realise that much of the humour they bring to the world is unintentional, but that does not make it any less valuable. As the weather has been improving a little bit of late, and with the lighter evenings, it seems that midweek drinking is again on the rise. And with it incidences of alcohol-induced hilarity. Just last week I saw three ‘youths’ being ejected from a pub on the High Street in town. Nothing unusual in that you might think, except it was about 8:30pm and they were all utterly arseholed. The really amusing part was when the ring leader then turned to face the quite-enormous-actually bouncer and took what could best be described as the Karate Kid stance. “Come on then!” shouted inebriate...

As some wax lyrical about the "rescue" of Shannon Matthews and the media congratulate the police, those of us who know the lower reaches of British society wait, smilingly, to hear the truth. I confidently predict the only crime involved......

Are cheap alcohol prices to blame for Britain's violent children?Video: the controversial "Chav hunting" clip. No chavs were included in the making of this film. I daresay that if the Pythons had made this film, they would be...

A while ago, the Chav promised socialism or death. Wrong conjunction: It's Socialism and...

The Chav didn't get what he wanted. Guardian readers will be crying into their lattes. Dear oh dear. Any of them notice this...

I'm reliably informed by that well-known Margate blogger, Tony Flaig that Ramsgate ( the chav-dump next door) has won "smelliest toilet award" (now there's a...