Press F5 or use the autorefresh buttton for the latest updates and email rob.bagchi@guardian.co.uk if you like. You can also follow all today's goals with our live score centre9 min: GOAL! Sunderland 1-0 Man City (Jones)7 min: Meyler's done OK so far and Campbell, on the right, has just had a crushing challenge with Wayne Bridge and won the free kick. Seconds later Tevez goes flying and wins a free kick but Mensah hardly touched him. Very congested across the middle so far - the dodgy kicking of both keepers being the biggest thing of the game so far.5 min: Poor kick from Gordon on an admittedly bobbly pitch. "SWP's value problem is due entirely to an English prejudice againsttiny players," posits Ian Copestake. "Pacheco at Liverpool will also have to grow a pair of inches before he is...

Manchester United host Fulham and Manchester City travel to Sunderland in Sunday's Premier League...

Press F5 or use the autorefresh fandangle for the latest updates and email barney.ronay@guardian.co.uk with your paeans to Wayne Rooney. You can also follow all today's goals with our live score centre29 mins United are having all of this game. Fulham double up on Nani this time and just about clear the ball. It's all coming down his side right now. Berbatov lays it back to rooney 20 yards out and he shoots striaght away, but Schwarzer makes a brilliant save diving down low to his right. Xavier McDaniel asks "What would Rooney have to do to be knocked from his perch as the Greatest Living Briton? Besides a text affair with Amy Winehouse or palling around with Al Qaeda in Afghanistan before the World Cup, I think he's nearing untouchable status." He could beat Stephen Fry up maybe? Or...

Hull City 1 – 2 Arsenal 0 – 1 Arshavin (14) 1 – 1 Bullard (28 pen) 1 – 2 Bendtner (90) A less comfortable win than it should have been but victory nonetheless and at this stage of the season, three points is all that counts, especially since Chelsea had won convincingly earlier in the day. Nicklas Bendtner’s late goal was apparently not good for his manager’s heart but it was certainly good enough to keep the pressure on at the top of the table. This was a win reminscent of 1989’s victory at Ayresome Park. On that day, the most exciting Arsenal team to that point won through a late Martin Hayes toe-poke, overcoming stubborn resistance from a team struggling at the foot of the table. That title winning side was capable of playing far better than...

It's depressing how 'Anyone But England' has become the mantra for the ScotsIn Johannesburg in June the sun will rise on another football bacchanal while Scotland nurses its wrath of ages at home. Five major tournaments have come and gone since last we participated. And, as we all know, It's Not The Same Without the Tartan Army. Brazilian samba dancers, Mexican gauchos and tractor apprentices from the Czech Republic are heartbroken that the "See You, Jimmy" wig and Glengarry brigade will not be joining them in South Africa. There are still 88 days to go and already the xenophobia has started: the biased commentaries, the flag-waving; the fear and the loathing. It's going to get unpleasant if you're English and living in Scotland.The first manifestation took place in a souvenir shop in...

Three days before 'The Man' returns to Stamford Bridge, Chelsea put on a performance that was classic Mourinho. There was no great need to exert themselves and, against a pedestrian West Ham side, they plucked the three points necessary to regain position at the top of the Premier League table.They were even able to tweak their goal difference without sweating too much. No need to tell Carlo Ancelotti, but you-know-who would have been proud.With the honourable exception of Florent Malouda, whose contribution shone in terms of vigour and finesse, Chelsea were a couple of gears below the levels they require against Inter Milan in the Champions League on Tuesday night. Not that there will be any complaints about a comfortable win after a month that threw up domestic defeats by Everton and...

The consolation for Sam Allardyce is that he did not do Rafael Benítez a favour. Had Allardyce's Rovers stunted Tottenham's push for a top-four finish and, indirectly, helped Liverpool and Benítez, it might have stuck in his jowls. Allardyce cannot see eye-to-eye with the Liverpool manager, to put it mildly.The Blackburn manager, though, endured a frustrating afternoon as his team's woeful away form continued. They might have started brightly and had a decent shout for a penalty turned down, but, when you concede the sort of goals they did, you get what you deserve.Tottenham were not at their free-flowing best, despite another marauding performance from the in-form Gareth Bale, but they did enough. Jermain Defoe plundered his 23rd of the season from close-range and Roman Pavlyuchenko,...

This one does exactly what it says on the tin:  black cherries, spice, mint, plums.  It’s like chewing gum and walking….through a French orchard on a wet autumn day. It cost me £9.99 from Virgin and is one of the better ten quid bottles from their stable. Serve cool (not cold).  It accentuates the mint.  The perfect antidote for drab football matches, and a great partner for pizza....

Hit F5 for the latest updates, or get funky with our autorefresh tool. Email questions and the like to alanrgardner@gmail.com and keep up with all today's goals with our live score centre3.35pm: Ireland and Wales are back out at Croke Park, where Wales have the put-in on an early scrum on their 22. The score is still Ireland 16-6 Wales. "Re Jim Wild's translation at 2:58. Douglas Adams would be proud." Chris B namechecks the dearly-departed author of the Hitchhiker's Guide – a book I've sadly never read.3.34pm: Ian Copestake has neatly married the two topics of conversation currently bobbing aimlessly in my inbox: "Playing Paul Merson might have been more fun if we could go back to his days of skill and excess. Doing it now would mean sending in emails that made sense when run through...

Tottenham host Blackburn in the first of seven Premier League games on Saturday, with Chelsea in action against West Ham and Arsenal travelling to Hull...

Hit F5 or use the autorefresh tool for the latest updates and email scott.murray@guardian.co.uk with your best bants. You can also follow all today's matches with our live score centre41 min: Kalinic and Dawson battle under a long bouncing ball heading for the Spurs area. The Blackburn striker looks to be winning the tussle, the prize for him being a one-on-one with Gomes, but he panics when in the box seat, shoving Dawson in the back then knocking the ball past him with a preposterous volleyball punch. You'll not be getting away with that, young sir. Naylor, by the way, is voting for Jamie. Redknapp Irritation-o-meter: Harry 1, Jamie 1, Louise 0.38 min: Spurs have stepped it up a gear alright. Now Modric pings one forward straight down the middle, Defoe running onto the ball and drifting...

The trip to Hull brings back many fond memories of previous encounters, Phil Brown’s jocularity always shines through when faced with Arsenal and Brian ‘Laughing Boy’ Horton; well, what a guy. That stand-up routine he and Cesc had going really recreated Harlem from the Blaxploitation movies, right down to the public shoe-shine. This is one of those fixtures which Alex Ferguson referred to be as being ‘easier’, Hull’s league position being the driver to that comment. It is that fact which makes it one of the tougher of the run-in. Chelsea and Manchester City have both failed to take maximum points from their visits to the Humber, Machester United are one of only two sides to have achieved that this season, highlighting the paucity of the hosts form on...

The Chelsea midfielder still respects his former manager but has no intention of losing to him in the Champions LeagueFrank Lampard has already staved off two potential indignities of late. Unlike Gary Lineker, he has avoided having to dress up as a sandwich, his face peering out between plastic tranches of ham and foam tomatoes, when filming the latest Walkers Crisps advertisement in Kent. Then, in a kickabout at Sandwich Technology school, his five-a-side team have edged out a comically dismayed Lineker's in a penalty shoot-out. Yet, if that provides some light relief, swerving the biggest ignominy of all could be distinctly trickier.Chelsea confront Internazionale on Tuesday with a first-leg deficit to retrieve and Lampard's mentor, José Mourinho, blocking passage to the Champions...

• Storrie claims he left club over 'intolerable' abuse• Former chief executive will continue as consultantPeter Storrie has left his job as chief executive of Portsmouth. He said tonight that he had gone because he could no longer tolerate the abuse he has been subjected to over the club's plight.Storrie has departed without a pay-off but Portsmouth's administrators said he would be "remunerated accordingly" for ongoing work on a range of matters, including the sale of the club and the FA Cup semi-final arrangements for game against TottenhamHotspur or Fulham at Wembley on 11 April at Wembley.Last night Storrie told ESPN: "It is best that I walk away for the sake of the club as well as my family and friends. Despite working non-stop to try to keep this club alive for the last 14...

As a sportsman there is nothing I hate worse than telling someone hey shouldn't do that sport whether because of disability, race or sexual orientation. I'm a great advocate of the paralympian movement. I believe we should show racism the red card and same applies to homophobia.Therefore the words of Rudi Assauer former player, ex-manager of German team and now a player agent really upset...

• Decison was taken in the interests of the club• Storrie will stay on as a consultantPeter Storrie's reign at Portsmouth has come to an end after the club announced that he has stepped down as their chief executive.Portsmouth's administrator Andrew Andronikou said Storrie made the decision after consulting with his friends and family and decided it was in the best interests of the club if he were to leave full-time employment at Portsmouth."The administrators would like to thank Mr Storrie for his undivided assistance and support over the past few weeks," read a statement on Portsmouth's website.Storrie will be kept on at the club in a consultancy role and the administrators expect him to assist on a "wide range of matters" including the sale of the club, the FA Cup semi-final...

I raid my record collection and nab a post title from The Buzzcocks. Darius raids his and comes up with a Tears for Fears lyric. Tears for bleedin’ Fears? Yea Gods. I know whose CDs I’d like to listen to and they ain’t his…although any article that references Steve Marriott can’t be all bad. The Association of British Specialist Insurers has suggested that in the last few weeks members have inundated them, seeking advice on how to approach the development of a new product. A select group of clients are clamouring to buy what has been described as ’Humble Pie’ insurance, seeking to find solutions that will save face, stop them from eating their words, and shield them from having industrial portions of humble pie shoved down their throats come the end of the football...

Eye of the Tigers When he is not washing his hair, Jimmy Bullard loves going for a stroll in the park to fight with his team-mates. At least that is what he was up to yesterday, when he and Nick Barmby dodged the dog poo to scrap it out. A witness told The Sun: “The lads were [...]...

• Fan ejected from club TV show for wearing scarf • Steward sacked for returning confiscated bannerManchester United are so concerned about the increasing success of the green-and-gold protests that the club have effectively forbidden Sir Alex Ferguson's players from speaking about it publicly and imposed a series of other measures aimed at counteracting the kind of publicity generated by David Beckham's endorsement of the campaign.Beckham's parting statement after United's 4-0 defeat of Milan on Wednesday, leaving the pitch with a protest scarf around his neck, is being described as "an iconic moment" by the Manchester United Supporters' Trust (Must), and senior figures at Old Trafford are worried about the significance of the most famous sportsman on the planet attaching himself to...

Lille are known as the Mastiffs and an unnerved Liverpool retreated from their lair nursing a nasty bite. No matter that Eden Hazard's late, wickedly dipping thoroughly elusive, free-kick appeared flukey; it gave Rudi Garcia's team a deserved first-leg lead.Rafael Benítez's edgy side, unable to score a potentially vital away goal, were too often wrong-footed by the impressive Hazard – Lille's best player had issued plenty of prior warnings – and his technically accomplished colleagues.A one-goal deficit is far from insurmountable but, even so, Liverpool have much to do if they are to overcome it at Anfield next week and sustain their sole remaining pursuit of silverware by progressing to the quarter-finals.Benítez, though, was almost Steve McClaren-esque in his desire to accentuate...

Click the auto-refresh button or batter F5 for the latest news. Email your thoughts to paul.doyle@guardian.co.uk. And click here for all the latest scores in the Europa League1 min: To the sound of Fulham fans out-singing the muted locals, the game gets under way ...Premable:No time for pre-match niceties. Teams:Juventus: Manninger, Zebina, Cannavaro, Legrottaglie, Grosso, Salihamidzic, Poulsen, Marchisio, Candreva, Diego, Trezeguet.Subs: Pinsoglio, Iaquinta, Del Piero, Camoranesi, Grygera,Sissoko, De Ceglie.Fulham: Schwarzer, Baird, Hangeland, Hughes, Konchesky, Duff, Davies, Etuhu, Greening, Gera, Zamora. Subs: Zuberbuhler, Kelly, Nevland, Dempsey, Smalling, Marsh-Brown.Referee: Florian Meyer (Germany)Uefa Europa LeagueFulhamJuventusPaul Doyleguardian.co.uk © Guardian News & Media...

Eyes down and sponge cakes at the ready. Let's leaf through the European football newsJames RichardsonAndy GallagherMatt HallChristian Bennett...

• Pompey owe £15m to Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs• 'The Revenue has accepted the administration is valid'Portsmouth's hopes of survival were today given a major boost when Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs accepted the club's move into administration.Pompey escaped being wound up after HMRC, which is owed around £15m by the club, abandoned its claim that the the club's owner, Balram Chainrai, did not have the legal right to put the club into administration.A spokesman for the club said: "The Revenue has accepted the administration is valid."The club yesterday made more than a quarter of their staff redundant. Eighty-five of 320 employees will lose their jobs but the administrator, Andrew Andronikou, said the chief executive, Peter Storrie, would remain on a salary of "under...

I lost my blogging mojo for a few weeks but I think it is on its way back.I think I got a bit depressed reading bits of the blogosphere and will try to focus on my journey a little bit more.Our 5 a side football has gone a bit crazy and we get 7 or 8 per team at the moment which is chaotic!On Sunday we played 11 a side against a local college and emerged 5-2 winners.On Tuesday I was in a discussion about "reaching the 20s-30s". I couldn't help but think of our team photo.Let's keep being who we are and doing what we do, and reach people when who we are and what we do touches their...

Click the auto-refresh button or batter F5 for the latest news. Email your thoughts to rob.smyth@guardian.co.uk. And click here for all the latest scores in the Europa LeagueSample Neighbours dialogueBoy: "This has been the best day of my life"Girl: "Ever?"Boy: "The clue's in the word 'life' you brainless wench, I never want to see your stupid face again Ever"And then they kiss.And then it cuts to a scene involving Lou Carpenter and Toadie.No way can the game top this.One good thing about Liverpool being on Channel Five is that I've just accidentally stumbled across Neighbours on that channel while waiting for the game to start. All our yesterdays. I defy anyone to watch this video and not weep their heart out with joy at a youth well spent in Ramsey Street.You did cry, right? Right?A...

Media reports of Nicklas Bendtner having the ‘last laugh’ put the whole of the coverage surrounding his performances in recent days into the perspective that they deserve. The image which sprang to my mind was a Python-esque character, dressed in Superhero garb, proclaiming, “I laugh in the face of danger“, his horn-rimmed spectacles perched precariously on his nose. The ‘danger’? Anyone taking the criticism and praise seriously without realising that they will return in equal measure, depending upon his performance at Hull on Saturday. Bendtner noted that this is the manner in which the ‘issue’ was dealt with ‘internally’: There was some criticism of me after the game last Saturday, but me and my team-mates have just laughed...

• Benítez looking for a reaction after Wigan defeat• Mmanager has consulted Valencia about French opponentsRafael Benítez has told his underachieving players to demonstrate "desire" at Lille in northern France this evening as Liverpool strive to reach the quarter-finals of the Europa League. "We have to show we're ready to win," added Benítez before his team's first-leg, last-16 tie.Normally protective of his squad, Liverpool's manager was stung by Monday's Premier League defeat at Wigan, which has damaged the Merseysiders' hopes of a top-four spot and Champions League qualification. "We are looking for a reaction," said the Spaniard. "Everyone knows Wigan was a bad performance and a missed opportunity."We know it's sometimes not so easy when you have another game so very quickly,...

David Beckham returns to Old Trafford as his AC Milan side try to overcome Man Utd and reach the Champions League quarter-finals, while Burnley host Stoke in the Premier...

Old Trafford favourite dons anti-Glazers...

UEFA Champions League, Round of Sixteen, 2nd Leg Arsenal 5 – 0 FC Porto Arsenal win 6 – 2 on aggregate 1 – 0 Bendtner (10) 2 – 0 Bendtner (25) 3 – 0 Nasri (63) 4 – 0 Eboue (66) 5 – 0 Bendtner (90 pen) There are times when football is a cruel mistress; there are times when she is full of love and benevolence. Nicklas Bendtner experienced both extremes in the space of four days, a double hat-trick of chances missed against Burnley, a hat-trick to ensure comfortable progression on aggregate through to the Quarter-Finals of this season’s Champions League. Charles Dickens summed it up rather nicely indeed, “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times”. The final outcome cannot be argued with, Arsenal deserved the win for an...

• United manager warns 3-2 first-leg lead is precarious• Wayne Rooney will be fit to play despite knee injuryThere are some nights in the Champions League when it is more than just a football match; it is an occasion. Manchester United versus Milan, under the Old Trafford floodlights, is one of them – even if Sir Alex Ferguson is right and David Beckham is left out by the Rossoneri tonight. Milan will have to be bold and adventurous if they are to recover a 3-2 deficit from the first leg and Ferguson's hunch is that the most recognisable player on the planet will be sacrificed in a game that reads like a Who's Who of the Champions League elite.Beckham being Beckham, he needed a police escort when he arrived at Manchester airport yesterday, the latest instalment of what his former...

• Arsenal manager would welcome all-Premier League semi-final• 'It would be a good chance to show we can do it against them'Arsène Wenger said he would welcome the chance to face Manchester United or Chelsea in the Champions League quarter‑finals, after he watched his Arsenal team book their place in the last eight with a dismantling of Porto. They won 5-0 on the night for a 6-2 aggregate victory, thanks to a hat-trick from Nicklas Bendtner and outstanding contributions from Samir Nasri and Andrey Arshavin.Arsenal have suffered at the hands of United and Chelsea in the Premier League this season, losing home and away to both. The home defeats were particularly demoralising and led to them seeing their title chances widely written off. Wenger has even suggested that his team have...

After almost four months and 14 Premier League games without a win Sunderland's bleak midwinter finally ended last night. As the thermometer dropped to freezing point it did not exactly seem like spring but Steve Bruce's suddenly relaxed body language was that of a man who has just felt the sun's warmth on his back for the first time in a very long while.Like Bolton, who began brightly enough but faded badly, Sunderland have not yet banished relegation fears but, thanks to Darren Bent's hat-trick and Fraizer Campbell's opener, their manager now has no reason to feel trepidation when he attends a scheduled formal meeting with his boss this morning.More than an hour before kick-off Bruce stood in the centre circle deep in conversation with Ellis Short, Sunderland's owner. Given Fabio...

Arsenal take on Porto for a place in the Champions League quarter-finals and, in the Premier League, Portsmouth host Birmingham and Sunderland play...

Porto arrive at The Emirates, defending a one-goal advantage, on the back of a poor record when visiting London. The Portuguese champions have not won on their last six visits, indeed losing them all. If Arsenal are to progress that record must continue. It is the night when comic pundit Ian Wright ‘feared‘ that Arsenal’s season would be over. Perhaps he should return to the company of Fozzy and Kermit. They will have to achieve that victory without Cesc Fabregas. Losing your best player is disadvantageous but unlike previous seasons, Arsenal has depth in its squad to cover this loss. The likeliest replacement is Samir Nasri but any one of the Frenchman, Tomas Rosicky or even Andrey Arshavin can fulfil the playmaker role, other personnel can be shuffled to compensate for...

The Football Association is looking into a security breach after a recording emerged purporting to carry discussions between England coaches and...

Liverpool look to reclaim a place in the top four as they travel to struggling Wigan in Monday's Premier League...

…Man Of The Match. You can pretty much figure out what type of game it was without seeing a single minute of it. Unfortunately I did see every single minute of it – thank you teh interweb, fuck you STV – and you’d be right. A lot of huff, quite a bit of puff and another game on the fixture list. ‘Arry, team selection wise, with his hands tied due to injuries and him buying/recalling cup tied players, meant he had only 13 recognisable first teamers at his disposal. One of them carrying a niggle, Defoe, the other not had much first team action of late, Gudjohnsen. So we got a starting XI and formation many had wanted to see for some time. Benoit Assou-Ekotto at left-back, Bale in front of him as a left winger and Modric moved into the central playmaker role. A...

Cesc’s hamstring is dominating the lead up to the encounter with Porto, Arsene has to decide whether or not the risk of aggravating the injury, and potentially the title challenge, is outweighed by the requirement to retrieve a one-goal deficit. It is all reminscent of the first Champions League campaign hosted at The Emirates, PSV Eindhoven held a similarly slender lead – although Arsenal did not have what may turn out to be a precious away goal – with a key player, that time it was Thierry Henry, having an injury which ought to have precluded his involvement. It did not and the Premier League campaign limped to its conclusion, fourth place attained. The chance of winning the remaining two competitions puts Wenger into the quandry, the solution for which he is paid to...

Toffees boss awards his side an extra goal Everton manager David Moyes caused some sniggering in the post-match press conference when it emerged he had last track of the score during his side’s thrashing of Hull City. In fact, Moyes needed a bit of convincing that the game had finished at 5-1 and not 6-1 as [...]...