Lately Saturday nights have been turning out to be a little bit on the quiet side, so what’s going on? Is it the so called credit crunch or even as some believe the start of a full blown recession. Well I don't think so myself I put the blame fairly and squarely on ITV. They are stealing the peak Saturday night trade away from the pubs and clubs and more importantly from the taxi trade. Saturday night from 8pm until 11pm is dominated by that popular cult TV show the X-Factor. Why I don't know because I don't watch it, but on Saturday night it dominated the conversation of the fares I picked up, some of whom were actually going to X-Factor parties. What that involves, I don't have a clue but it sure seems popular. Even worse news was told to me by one fan that was dashing between...

A rather mysterious large bulky brown envelope arrived at out taxi office this week. At first we were a bit nervous about opening it because of the strange shape that could be felt inside. When we finally decided that it probably wasn't a bomb our brave boss felt inside the package. He went a shade paler when he felt something slightly furry. But taking a deep breath he fearlessly hauled the unknown beast out of it's hiding place and we were confronted with a small version of the nodding dog mascot which you see on some folks car parcel shelves. Attached was a handwritten note which reads "This belongs to one of your drivers. Sorry!" So far he or she hasn’t been claimed by any of our drivers and rumours are rife about the adventures of the lost doggy. Has a dog napping taken place,...

It was a miserable midweek rainy grey late afternoon, just the sort of day when I gaze at the empty streets and speculate to myself, just where folks disappear to and just what do they get up to. One of the answers was revealed when I collected a flustered lady who was in a big hurry. "Where does time go" she asked "I should have been home an hour ago for the kids coming home from school." "Did you get talking?" I asked in all innocence and when she hesitated to answer I glanced in the mirror to see that she had gone a shade of beetroot red. "I was visiting my boyfriend and when I went to leave I couldn't find my jumper, I’ve only got my bra on underneath this coat." she blurted out, and then realised what she had just said. Her hand flew to her mouth and she went an even deeper...

Now and again one of my fares will ask me if I had watched a reality TV show or one of the soap operas the previous night. Nine times out of ten I answer "no I don't watch much telly" and the fare will look at me as if I must be criminally insane or live in some strange other universe. But the plain and simple truth is that I just don't need to watch reality TV, reality plays out each and every day on the back seats of my cab. All the real life drama, comedy and tragedy you could dream of are unveiled by passengers telling me of their sometimes chaotic lives. The big difference being that instead of some attention seeking, money grabbing wannabe my reality show stars are real genuine local folks. And as for soaps, well some folks will give me the latest episode of their storyline each...

I’m beginning to wonder if it's just me, or is it some sort of conspiracy that I end up with the strangest jobs. Today for example I was asked to do a cigarette run, which in itself isn't all that unusual, quite a few housebound nicotine addicts ask us to buy fags for them and then deliver them. But when I arrived at the house which had asked for ten coffin nails today I was greeted by a woman waving a bunch of keys out of the open window. I was thrown the keys and asked to let myself in, which I did. The ould lass grabbed her precious cancer causers and started to rip into the packaging seeming to forget that I was there. It was only after she had lit one and greedily puffed one or two deep drags of nicotine that she remembered why I was there. Whilst blowing clouds of noxious...

For the last week or so I have been doing an occasional job transporting Russian sailors to and from the airport. The lucky ones were going home on leave from coasters carrying cargo into Barrow docks. Most are nice enough guys, but only speak as much English as I do Russian, and so the conversation is a bit limited. The one universally known word amongst them is "smoke," I have never known a Russian who doesn't smoke and so when I turn into the first service station on route and say the magic word it always brings on a big smile and" OK da." The replacement sailors I take to join the ships always look a bit glum and when I picked up one who spoke a fair bit of English, I learnt why. I like a lot of folk had the false notion that these seafarers had the life of riley, seeing the...

Sunday morning and my dishevelled looking fare come out of a town centre house with a smirk on his face. "Heck she was ugly, but I was drunk" he said as he checked himself out in the mirror. "Well I guess that we all make mistakes" I replied. "Yes but she was lucky to get me, I bet I'm the best looking guy she has ever had" he crowed. He was going the few miles to neighbouring Askam and by the time we had got a mile up the road I was beginning to tire of his constant put down of his last nights conquest and his over the top conceit. As we passed Furness General Hospital a truly evil plan entered my head. Scratching my head and looking deep in thought I muttered "I know that house I picked you up from, I’ve picked up there a few times." He paused from studying his reflection and...

Saturday night was a full moon which brought all the usual strange characters out in abundance one job consisted of two young couples off out for a nights moon bathing in the town. On the way into town they stopped at a supermarket cash machine to top up with money for the no doubt expensive night ahead. As the two lads waited in the queue for the busy cash dispenser the two lasses were having a strange conversation concerning one of the lads. The slightly bizarre conversation went like this: Lass1 "so do you really think that he is one of them then?” Lass2 "Well when we went down to Manchester shopping he kept looking in the window of that kind of shop, but I wouldn't let him go in.” Lass1 "Oh that's awful but what else makes you suspicious" Lass2 “Well I found some...

After watching yet another near pile-up involving one our local teen racers today, I really do think it's time for a rethink. Nowadays you just can't deny the fact that the roads are far busier and much more dangerous than ever before. In most cases seventeen is too young of an age to be let loose with a loaded weapon like a souped up car. Modern cars are much faster and more powerful than at any time ever before and I for one think that they shouldn't be used as kids toys. Far too many kiddie winkles are tearing around the town like lunatics in high performance cars foolishly financed by credit happy parents hoping to keep up with the Joneses. The depressing annual death toll can only be reduced by changing the law to reflect the clear fact that teenagers are far more likely to...

We tend to think of Texan oilmen as Stetson and cowboy boot wearing big loud brawny guys, but the trouble-shooter from Houston that I collected from a local hotel was just the opposite. He was of Chinese stock conservatively dressed, quiet, refined and well spoken. He was telling me that he was over to help sort out the much troubled Rivers gas plant at our vast Rampside Gas Terminal. The multi million pound project was completed three years ago but has not ever been able to start production. This has cost the staggering sum of three million dollars a day in lost production. Our diminutive Texan beamed as he proudly told me that his team had finished sorting out all the problems the previous day and that at long last the plant was finally in production. But as we drove past the...

Early on Sunday morning and one of my first fares was a young lass who looked like she had been fighting for ten rounds in the boxing ring. If you don't ask any questions you don't get any answers. And so I asked "what happened to your face then?" "I got **!!## bottled" was the less than ladylike reply before she loudly burped, filling the cab with the smell of stale beer and last nights kebab. "I got thrown out just cos I bottled the other lass back, but it's OK cos the fat cow ended up in the hospital" She then started describing the vast quantity of booze she had managed to knock back before reaching oblivion and then waking up in some strangers flea pit. I was thankful that it was only a short drive between the two much less than respectable houses that she was travelling...

One particular fare that I pick up now and again always drives me to distraction, I call her Mrs Moneyprice. Her voice is akin to the dentists drill and she doesn't pause to draw breath from the minute she gets in until the merciful moment she gets out again. Without any explanation or preamble she will start to list exactly what she has bought and is going to splash out on that week. Every item is then given its price tag right down to the exact penny, and comments added like "it was the dearest they had” or "I don't do cheap you know." A week or two back she even went into great detail about her new super pricey designer underwear which she then went on to say "was a waste of money because she wouldn’t wear it." This was far too much information for a shy sensitive soul like me...

The best way to attract a man is with your eyes. That's why it's so important to have your eye makeup perfectly applied. If it weren't for the excellent application of proper eye makeup, this young lady probably wouldn't get a second look from most men... Then again, I could be wrong.... I’ve lost count of the lasses and ladies who have gotten into the front passenger seat of the cab and immediately pulled the sun visor down and looked critically at themselves in the vanity mirror. But then despite having already spent hours painting and powdering at home they find fault and decide to try to apply extra paint and filler whilst on the taxi journey. But some wicked little voice in my head always seems to nag at me to plan the route to include every speed hump and pothole in town. Then...

Barrows traffic wardens, whoops sorry mustn't call them that now; they tell me that they are now known as civil enforcement officers started September with a Monday morning ticket blitz. The many cars left for weeks at a time with for sale signs on display, that have been parked on Barrow's Roose Rd and Abbey Rd were all ticketed in one early morning swoop. What a bonanza that must have been for the town hall bank balance, maybe we will all get a rate reduction now eh? But the long overdue crackdown seems to have worked on the towns would be Arthur Daley’s because on Tuesday morning not a single dodgy car for sale could be found on the streets of Barrow. Maybe we could get the towns roving civil enforcement officers to check on the ever increasing hordes of traffic lights we now...

I hear that a cab driver in nearby Lancaster had a fag-break which cost him £315.John Goulding, of Fleet Green in Lancaster, was found guilty in his absence at Lancaster Magistrates Court, of breaking the smoking ban laws.The regulations as we all should know by now make it an offence to smoke in an enclosed public or work place – which includes vehicles such as taxis.Magistrates heard that Goulding was smoking a cigarette in his taxi while parked in a bay on Belle Vue Terrace in Lancaster. He was spotted by one of Lancaster City Council's licensingofficers, who informed him that he was breaking the law and subsequently issued a Fixed Penalty Notice.Goulding failed to pay the fine and as a result action was taken through the courts.Magistrates ordered him to pay a fine of £175, court...

Well that's the last Bank holiday weekend of the summer over with, and the next stop before we know it will be Christmas. The super Sunday turned out to be a bit of a late starter with most folk not going out until the evening and not as much of the usual rush up to Dalton for the traditional afternoon boozing. Maybe it had something to so with the closure of that popular watering hole the Wellington, which leaves a huge dry gap between pubs and also was the biggest best beer garden in the town. Barrow itself was busy though and I was kept busy ferrying drunks into town from the pubs and house parties in outlaying areas. One group of four lads got into the most bizarre conversation as I drove them into town. They were talking about the date of some sporting event and the year of 1970...

The Roa Island Wreck sitting next to the causeway near Foulney Island has become a familiar landmark to most folk round here for a few years now. Being near to the home of local TV star Dave Myers, it even made national television looking picturesque in the background of the new Hairy Bikers series the Hairy Bakers. I had noticed the rusty 70 foot former fishing trawler moving about during violent storms and always half expected to find the rusty hulk sitting astride the road to Roa Island at some point. A year or so back though I heard a rumour that the boat wreck had been sold, and started to look out for the scrap men towing her away or cutting her up where she lay. Next time I drove past her, I was so shocked that I nearly drove off the causeway and into the channel, some...

I see that the vandals from way up north of Cumbria have had their annual spree of mayhem and destruction. Yep it's that time of the year again, and we the poor ratepayer have to pay for the doubtful privilege of Carlisle contractors spaying our roads with black sticky tar and then gleefully throwing truckloads of paint chipping stones and dust in all the wrong places. The boys have excelled themselves this year, particularly on Barrow's Schneider Rd which has been transformed from quite a decent stretch of road into a dusty hazardous disaster area. Impressive clouds of dust recreate scenes from hundreds of years ago making the road look like some sort of rural dirt farm track. To add to the authenticity of the scene all modern road markings have been obliterated including the green...

Well Morocco certainly turned out to be a bit of a culture shock in more ways than one. Firstly to witness the poverty and hardship which is endured by most Moroccans with a smile is a humbling experience. Some rural folk out in the desert still live as they did in biblical times, eking out a meagre living with herds of coats and making the trek to the distant water well by donkey. Looking out the window at the pouring down rain, which everyone has been moaning about here in Barrow is a stark contrast to a country where a lot of children have never even seen rain, the last decent downpour was nine years ago! Then at the other end of the scale we were told of an Arab multi billionaire who was spending tens of millions to move a giant cement factory, lock stock and barrel, ten miles...

All weekend I had been asking my fares if they had heard anything about or been to Barrow's big outdoor music festival "Furnessfest" Strangely no one seemed to have heard a thing about it maybe I was asking the wrong people. Finally on Sunday morning I got a job to pick up a fare from the huge festival site on Rakesmoor Lane. The fare was a young fella who looked like he had gotten drunk and slept in a windy field all night, which of course was exactly what he had done. But as for finding out about how the event was going, I might as well of asked one of the nearby trees. I should have known when I noticed that the typical muddy festival wellies he wore were on the wrong feet. The conversation went like this; firstly I asked "was it busy in there then, plenty of people then?" Fare...

For the last few weeks or so mysterious red stickers have been appearing on lampposts, windows and buildings etc the length and breadth of Barrow. The stickers consist of a red background and a curious white design which looks like the letter M scrawled by a drunk. But finally I have gotten to the bottom of the mystery stickers; a source in the local nightclub scene has given me the low-down. He tells me that the long abandoned Martinis night club on Barrow's notorious Gaza Strip is undergoing a revamp and will open shortly in a new guise as Club M. So the sticker campaign is a form of cheap and cheeky advertising campaign, I say cheeky because they have also been sneakily slapping them all over rival night clubs and bars. The other sign which has appeared along the length of...

When I went to collect my passenger from a Walney pub on Friday morning it wasn't quite what I was expecting. A red faced guy walked from the pub and opened the passenger door and dropped a TV remote control onto the front seat. I looked to him and then the remote quizzically and patiently waited for the story. None was forthcoming, I guess he was a bit embarrassed, he just handed me some cash and told me the address where the remote was to go. When I reached the home of the remote control the door was half opened by a puzzled looking woman in pyjamas, who stared blankly at the remote. But then a little girl appeared who looked delighted to see the wayward remote, and so without another word I handed it over and left. Who knows what the story was, your guess is as good as mine....

Now that Barrow's Mall frontage has been completed after its thirty year overdue renovation I have been asking my fares what they think of the new look. The vast majority like me think it’s a cheap and nasty bodge up. Comments from my fares include “It doesn't go with the red brick and sandstone of the surrounding buildings" and "It looks like a giant washing machine or fridge" or "It's just been covered with cheap and tacky white tin sheets." I suppose anything is an improvement over what went before but Barrow folk deserve better than yet another tin shed, we seem to have cornered the market with those already. What makes it look even worse is the nasty splodge of badly laid cheap tarmac masquerading as a pavement outside the front....

After over a hundred proud years Barrow's oldest social club is to finally close its doors for the last time. The Railway Club on Barrow's St Georges Square was originally formed as the Furness Railway Employees Sick Club and Benefit Society. The club was in existence even before Barrow Central Station was opened in the 1880s. It was then accommodated in part of the building that was the railway offices in St.George’s Square and the present premises were those of the departure station of the old Furness Railway company, which date back to 1864. After surviving two world wars and the decline of the railway industry the club has finally hit the buffers. Ursula the club secretary tells me that unfortunately along with a lot of other local working men’s clubs the place just...

The "Fare of the week" award must go to a guy that I collected from Walney on Saturday. I had arrived bang on the time that he had booked his taxi and was waiting patiently outside the address. I could see the fare moving about inside the house and so pressed call-back to remind him that I was outside. A good five minutes later he opened his front door, as if he was about to come out, but then promptly went back inside again. I then watched in disbelief as he slowly combed his hair in the mirror and then made a snack from the fridge and sat down to slowly eat it. Finally with his hair in place and his belly full he headed towards the still open door. But no, when he reached the door he looked at me and pointed to his mouth, turned back and dashed back in and upstairs to brush his...

Over the last few weekends it seems that we have had a lot more blaring sirens and blue flashing lights than usual. Has a crazy fire bug been at work or have Barrovians turned into clumsy klutzes constantly injuring themselves? Nope I don’t so, especially not since I saw that the vans being driven at breakneck speed through the busy streets of Barrow aren’t actually bona-fide emergency vehicles. But still the laughing drivers seemed to be having the time of their life’s charging through red lights and ignoring all the normal rules of the road. From what I have since been told, it seems that Barrow’s streets are being used as some sort of training ground for would be emergency services drivers. We all know that these guys have to practice to gain the necessary skills but a...

Whoops! Looks like I’ve' gone and put my big foot in it yet again. When I went to pickup from a local supermarket the fare turned out to be a couple, and the man happened to have a wheelchair. They both got quickly into the car, out of the rain, him into the front seat and her into the rear and I got on with loading the wheelchair into the boot. As I did so I noticed something wrong and thought I would be helpful and tell the couple. "One of the wheelchair footrests is missing" I shouted through the open driver’s door. No response and so I shouted it again this time louder. Absolutely no response, they both stared straight ahead and seemed to blank me out. "Oh well some folk just don't want to be helped" I thought as I got in to drive away. I was just thinking that this would be...

I’m quite surprised that our local council here in Barrow haven’t cottoned on to the crafty idea that the London borough of Barnet has introduced. They have made it a bye-law that any car owner who advertises their car for sale in a public parking place is fined £100. After all we must have hundreds of cars for sale littering certain roads in Barrow, what a money-spinner that would be at £100 a time. I can see both sides of the argument, “for” being the fact that the vast majority of the cars offered for sale are actually owned by fly by night dodgy car dealers, and folk lose their parking spaces when these cars are dumped for days on end outside their doors. “Against” is the for sale sign in a car window any different than sign writing on a van, driving instructors...

Just when I thought that folk had begrudgingly gotten used to Barrow's detested new one way system I had two near misses in the one morning. Luckily it was nice and quiet, it being a Sunday morning but nevertheless both were enough to put the wind up me. Both near misses happened in nearly exactly the same place, just before the Hollywood Park roundabout outside the Wheatsheaf pub. The first was when I was met head on by an ould lass charging the wrong way up the road towards me at a fair lick of speed. I braked hard and put my hazard lights on, expecting her to stop. But no she shook her fist at me and waved at me to get out of her way. When I didn't move she actually drove round me and drove on frightening the life out of five or six other hapless drivers. I heard no bangs and...

A busy Friday afternoon and the usual problem of stop-n-go traffic crawling up Barrow's Abbey road with it's multitude of traffic lights. But all of a sudden things started to move a lot smoother and as I moved up the road I soon found out why. The traffic lights at what they say is one of the busiest junctions in Cumbria, “Crazy Horse Corner” had gone kaput and not one of its many lights was working. This didn't really seem to be causing too many problems; drivers just slowed right down and crawled through the junction with caution. Heck! I even saw boy racers and white van men giving way and waving other motorists through. This lasted for an hour or two until I was coming down Abbey Road a while later. Yep it seemed to be back to normal, big queues of standing motors with...